Bulletins, Blogs & Bigotry

My attorney is like all others a Goblin Shaman. We were on my Enslaved Manticore somewhere in the wastelands west of Praag, returning to the Inevitable City with an unreasonably sized bag of mushrooms. Red, black, spotted and striped. We were kicking up a cloud of black-grey dust behind us that was sticking to the vomit on the Manticore’s heavy tail. That was not mine, I was keeping my composure, only occasionally dodging the blue beetles in tuxedos that were attempting to enter my skull.

We were approaching the forums now, the skyline cluttered with Player Support and General Discussion varieties. Later it would become apparent that there had been about 7 Skaven on our trail earlier, but the sound of the wind and the fires in the distant Praag had drowned out the sound. All that was left was the contents of some future soup. It seems Skaven eventually fall apart in their blind rage to eat all of your mushrooms and leave you for dead. Endurance is not their strength, but neither is calculus, or showing up to the Character Creation screen.

I peered into the forums, and I’m not surprised at what I saw;

Black Orcs, complaining about equality but at the same time repressing everyone else. They don’t even make a good case for themselves.

Archmages, having considerably better burst healing than anyone else but still looking exactly like a bunch of idiots in table cloths.

Cheaters, complaining about losing their accounts to “hackers”, when nothing more than a keylogger had been passed on. In this world, cheating is the only way you’re going to get one of those.

What really caught my attention was the Dev Discussions section. Lack of information had caused a barrel of monkeys, seemingly on mescaline, to spill out and start spewing mislead information all over the place. “No bans yet,” I said to my attorney “these bastards don’t even understand what they’re rambling about yet.” These people almost universally had their rights taken away from them a few years back under the threat of brown people from the east… but would sooner riot over things that aren’t even finalized. Not even officially announced.

If only the outside world worked like this. If only the only people you really ever heard from were violent and cranky.

“We came here to explain that the Archmage is clearly better.” my attorney reminded me.  He was right as usual. My burst was not existent. My group healing was mediocre. My AP pool was horrid. My TTD was similar to that of the Kennedy family. The only thing special I could really do was to increase Toughness on players that should already have 700+ toughness. It doesn’t slow down the massive burst of… everyone. It isn’t burst – in fact, it wastes yet another GCD.

My thinking was interrupted by a phone call from Morkquarters. Gorkquarters. Morkquarters.



I had to report on patch 1.3.5 within 2 days, and I had to do it fax it in. It would be a True Fax. It would be the greatest thing I had reported on yet. If only they knew what was down the road from that, they might stop complaining about the little things.